Tips for Breastfeeding Survival

Baby is here! You survived the long months of pregnancy and you made it through the birth experience, now you face a challenge that you may not have expected to be difficult: breastfeeding. For some this “natural” process is easy, or at least easier. For others (me!) it is frustrating, excruciating, and a test of resolve. 

My nipples have hurt from the moment my baby put her mouth on them to nurse. By hurt I mean pain ranging from “ouch,” to shrieks of agony and “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BITE OFF A PIECE OF MY BODY YOU HUMAN PIRANHA!!!” 

When people say that nursing is “natural,” they seem to be implying that natural equals pain free. Many of the parenting and medical blogs I consulted in my desperate search for help reinforced that idea with sage advice such as, if you are doing it right it won’t hurt. So now not only was I in pain, I was also failing at a basic, natural part of being a woman. And in failing, the one I was really letting down was my baby. 

But what if they are wrong? What if you are doing it right, and it still hurts. Perhaps I am not failing. Perhaps it just hurts. When I asked women I trust about their nursing experience I got a very different story. Nursing hurts. Nursing is challenging. Nursing takes grit, determination, and at times continuing takes a daily refusal to give up.

I wanted to be able to nurse my baby, but within the first forty-eight hours of birth my nipples were becoming chapped and cracked. My baby must be doing it wrong. I must be doing it wrong. The hospital sent the staff lactation consultant to assist me, but her advice was confusing, and not helpful. The core message I received was wait till baby’s mouth is wide open, then flatten my breast in a ‘c-grip’ and “just shove it in.” Repeated attempts to follow that advice resulted in a screaming, angry baby and in a meltdown on my part.

No matter how hard I tried it didn’t work. I wasn’t fast enough, coordinated enough, competent enough to get my baby latched right. It felt like the entire experience in those first few days and weeks revolved around my incompetence at this “natural” part of being a mom. I didn’t even want to hold my baby because she would want to nurse, and the entire frustrating, physically and emotionally painful experience would start all over again.

I wanted to give up, but I kept trying. 

And trying.

And trying.

I asked for advice. I watched youtube videos. I read blog posts. I was hit over and over with the confident assertion that if I did it right it wouldn’t hurt. I wonder…have the people who wrote that statement actually experienced nursing, or are they just repeating what they read on other websites and blogs? The moms I talked to said it takes a month. It will hurt, but eventually it will get better. Just hold on. So I held on. I’m still holding on.

The first step in the right direction came when my mom went out and bought nipple shields. They took some of the pressure off my scabby, cracked nipples. Between the shields and a tube of lanolin (a lifesaving gooey mess,) I managed to keep going. When the pain was too much I took a break and supplemented with formula. 

At first I felt defeated whenever a bottle was mixed, but I realized that I was doing my best. I was nursing in spite of the pain. I was continuing through tears and feelings of failing my baby. The bottle was helping me continue. It was giving me a much needed break. It was ok. I was ok, and so was my baby.

Even with the aid of the nipple shield and the lanolin, nursing was still painful. At this point I had struggled forward for two and a half weeks. I reached a breaking point. If things didn’t get better I planned to give up. In a last ditch effort I found a lactation consultant service that would come to my home and scheduled a consultation. I had hesitated, because after my experience with the hospital consultant I was skeptical about how much they would help. 

That visit made a big difference. It didn’t fix everything, but it helped. I learned that my baby could, and did latch properly if I got out of her way. The consultant gently reassured me that I was doing ok. Simple adjustments could make the process less painful, and infinitely less frustrating. I was making plenty of milk. Baby was gaining weight. I was doing ok, and I could keep going. On a practical note, the consultant showed me that the right nursing pillow could also make all the difference. My husband took me to buy one of those pillows as soon as she left.

There are still points of frustration, but at close to two months, I am still nursing my baby. It still hurts, but the pain is usually manageable. Will it ever be pain-free? I don’t know. I hope so, but I refuse to let the perception that I am doing something wrong taint the experience.

Along the way there have been several things that helped immensely and I want to pass those on in the hopes of helping others. These are my personal experience, so they might not work as well for you.

There are a few affiliated links from which, as an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission, at no cost to you. I only include products that I have found personally useful.

1. Strip Down

Experts aren’t joking when they recommend being skin-to-skin. Strip baby down to their diaper, and lose your shirt, and possibly even the bra. The more your baby is wearing the harder he or she will suck. I don’t know why, but that is what happens. When you are skin to skin baby becomes more relaxed and gentle. Modesty goes out the window when baby arrives, so clear the room, find a nursing cover you like, what every you need but…Strip! Your nipples will thank you.

2. Let The Baby Do The Work

Seriously. The baby knows what to do, you just need to support them and let them practice. Start seated, with the baby held upright against your body, their face and nose sniffing cleavage. If they are hungry they will begin “the downward dive.” Support them as they move down toward the right or left. Gently help them get into position next to the food source. Position them so their ear, shoulder, and hip all line up as they face your breast. You should be belly to belly with your baby and the nipple should be at their nose level. Don’t shove. Don’t push their head down or cram the nipple in their mouth. Just don’t. Let the baby move their head back and latch on. They may automatically reposition if it is not a good latch. This should be enough to get them going unless there is another issue, such as a tongue tie. Remember, they are new at this, just like you, so it may take a bit of practice on their part. Just make sure you have them tucked tummy to tummy, their body aligned, and nose to nipple.

3. A Nursing Pillow

FYI a Boppy is not a proper nursing pillow. Let me repeat… a Boppy is NOT a proper nursing pillow! While you may be able to make it work it will be much more frustrating and challenging than necessary. A regular pillow can be used, but again, it will not work as well as a specially designed nursing pillow. During my lactation consultation the consultant had me try a pillow called My Brest Friend that strapped around me and provided a firm supporting platform at the right height… what a difference! No more pain in my arms from trying to support my baby. No more struggling to hold her in the right position. No more pillows sliding off my lap instead of holding up my baby’s head. Get a specialized nursing pillow! You will not regret it!

4. Lanolin

Lanolin is amazing. It is heavenly. It is the difference between dry, hard, chapped nipples, and soft, flexible ones. It can mean the difference between simple, almost pain free nursing, and excruciating, stabbing pain. Use the lanolin. I tried an organic nipple moisturizer. It did not work. Trust me. Use the lanolin.

5. Nipple Shields

If you follow the advice in sections one and two you may be spared the bleeding and scabbing I experienced, but if you already have nursing-damaged nipples, or if chapping and cracking happen in spite of all efforts, then nipple shields are there to come to the rescue. Simple pieces of shaped clear flexible plastic, they form a protective barrier between baby’s mouth and your skin. 

Warning: nipple shields will take some practice to work well. They have a tendency to fall off or get pulled off by baby, but with practice they will work, and they do reduce the pain. Reduce being the key word. They do not change the fact that scabs may get sucked off and cracks will get compressed, stretched, etc in the process of nursing and it will hurt like nothing you have experienced before. But it will reduce your previous pain level, and eventually your nipples will heal. And don’t freak out if you realize that the milk collecting in the shield is pink from blood. Yes that happened to me. Based on my reading, it should not hurt the baby. If you are worried just spill that milk out on a burp cloth and then let baby keep nursing.

6. Ibuprofen

Ibuprofen is not only a pain reliever, it also reduces swelling. With all the unaccustomed trauma your breasts, and particularly your nipples will be experiencing, you will need a dose of swelling reducer. The pain reduction doesn’t hurt either. Nursing hurts. You should expect it to continue to be uncomfortable for a month, minimum. During that time reducing pain makes your chances of continuing to nurse more likely. Ask your doctor, and if they give the ok use the pain reliever.

7. Supplementing With Formula

There will be feedings when you need a break. During growth spurts babies cluster feed and when the pain or frustration level gets too high it is important to have a back up plan. It doesn’t make you a failure. It takes the pressure off. Keep a few bottles ready, and buy a formula you feel comfortable giving to your baby. I am still using the sample formula containers I received while pregnant. We are currently using the Dr. Brown’s bottles, available on Amazon or at most major retailers. They work great. Having formula to fall back on helped me feel less pressured and anxious. It even allows us to let grandparents watch baby for a short time while my husband and I get away. A note of caution… it is essential to nurse often enough to avoid getting clogged milk ducts or other issues that might lead to mastitis. Having experienced a short bout with that issue I can assure you it is NOT something you want!

8. Find Your Person

You need someone to vent all your frustration, doubt, and pain to, and your partner can’t be the sole listener. They are dealing with their own insecurities and exhaustion even if they are not up with you every time baby cries. They will listen, and they care, but they feel helpless as they listen to you cry and perhaps even scream with pain. You need to find someone else who will listen, encourage, and advise. It is a bonus if they have been through what you are experiencing. I have two people I call. My mom is always there for me. She came and stayed for a week after the birth, and she returned when I had a clogged duct and a little bout of mastitis. She helped me stay sane, reassuring me that I could do it, but that it was ok if I needed to switch to formula. I would still be a good mom. I wouldn’t be failing. My other person is my sister. She has answered several panicky phone calls. She loaned me her breast pump when mine didn’t arrive in time, and she shared her experiences breast feeding, commiserating with my story of pain and frustration. I love and appreciate their help. I couldn’t have done it without them.

Remember:

You are doing a great job! You are doing your best for the baby. There is a lot of pressure, summed up in slogans such as “breast is best,” but ultimately fed is best. Sane is best. A happy mom and baby are best. Don’t give up, but if the time comes when you cannot continue, then move forward confident you gave it your best and that you are a great mom. Nursing is frustrating, painful, and yet rewarding all at the same time. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and defeated by the challenge, especially when the lack of sleep and the high hormone levels pile on top. Take it one day at a time, and you will find that you can keep going longer than you thought, pushing through the challenge. Everything worth doing is hard work, and you are doing great.

What was your nursing experience? Did it change with subsequent children? What did you find helpful to nursing survival? Leave a comment!