The Postpartum Mom Fog
Please note: Always check with your doctor before doing anything that may impact your health. I am not a doctor. I am only sharing what helped me, some of which was done at the advice of my doctor. Everyone is different. Better to consult your doctor than have an adverse result or reaction!
The birth of a baby is an intense thing. It is full of extremes. Joy, happiness, pain, anxiety, fear…all of these make their appearance and are part of the arrival of a new life. After birth, there is the whirlwind of learning to care for the new baby. Diapers, swaddling (something I never got good at,) baths, trimming baby nails without removing part of a finger…you get the idea! The first few diaper changes are almost nerve-wracking, but after a few weeks, you can do it in the dark. I was mentally prepared for all of this, granted, it was a bit harder than I anticipated. I thought my previous experiences with babies and children would see me completely ready, but it was all different when the wiggling, precious bundle was mine!
The thing I was not prepared for was the fog. Perhaps it was worse for me because I live with a chronic illness, but it seems most new mothers have the same problem. The fog moved in silently, unnoticed in the middle of exhausting late-night feedings and hyper-awareness of baby’s breathing. (She’s still breathing, right???)
When the exhaustion and constant state of sleeplessness improved with a nap, the fog got better but didn’t totally leave. It seems that stress, lack of sleep, and the physical toll of pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding combined to take away my ability to think. I forget words in the middle of a sentence, struggling to think of another word for the same thing, and often resorting to describing the word that is lost in my brain. (You know, it’s big, people drive them, they carry kids to school… Yeah, bus. That’s the word I was looking for.) Sometimes I can’t form a thought or think of the answer to basic questions such as what I did yesterday. I can stare straight at someone who is talking to me, yet not be able to follow what they are saying.
When the fog is heavy it is almost impossible to write or even read. It feels like fog swirling through my head, clouding out things I know and should be able to say or understand. For a moment the fog parts and I start to grasp a thought, then it closes in again and the thought is lost. I spend the days and weeks devoted to making sure my baby is ok, but there is very little thought power to do more.
Fibromyalgia causes something called “Fibro Fog,” so I am not totally unfamiliar with the challenges of dealing with brain fog, but the strength of the postpartum brain fog caught me by surprise. I spent four months feeling like the baby appropriated a piece of my brain when she was born. The ability to think began improving when she began sleeping through the night. Six months post-birth the fog still catches me unawares, closing in when my sleep is not optimal. Struggling through the fog to care for my home, family, and pets has been a challenge, but I want to share what has been working for me.
1. Work When Hot, Rest When Not
Some days you will wake up with a clear brain. Use those days to catch up. Some days you will not be able to string together enough words to make a sentence. That’s ok. Watch a movie (or a TV show if you can’t focus enough for a movie.) It is ok to be unproductive. The only things that have to happen are baby care and self-care.
2. Eat!
Make sure you are eating and drinking enough. The brain fog will get worse if you are hungry and dehydrated. Keep the food simple. Reheated frozen food will do, at least for now. Stow some veggie steamer packs in the refrigerator and throw them in the microwave to add something healthy to your meal. Prepackaged salads are great too. They take the work out of food but still cost less than take-out.
3. Soak A While
If you had a vaginal delivery you are probably pretty sore down there. Have someone watch the baby, put some Epsom salts in a nice warm bath, and soak for 15-20 minutes each day. This was what my doctor recommended, and it made a huge difference in my comfort. I was very sore from 2nd-degree tearing, so the first week or two was painful. Trust me! Check with your doctor to make sure it is safe for you, then sit in that bath!!
4. Take A Shower
If you don’t have time for a long soak or you don’t have anyone to babysit then put the baby somewhere safe, such as their crib, and take a shower. It’s okay if the baby wakes up and cries. You will be done soon and you will feel so much better.
5. Take Your Vitamins
Growing a baby and giving birth takes a lot out of your body, so give it back a little love in the form of multivitamins, particularly Iron. (Consult your doctor first.)
6. Get Some Sun And (Maybe) Some Exercise
A bit of sun and movement can lift your mood and help blow the fog away for a bit. Once you have the ok to start walking take that baby out around the block. Go slow. Respect the trauma your body has experienced, but help it heal with physical activity.
7. Sleep
I saved this one for last because deep down, we all know that more/better sleep would cure much of what ails us. Unfortunately at this point in life uninterrupted, restful sleep is hard to get. Even naps can be challenging. I only took a couple of successful naps in the first few months because I couldn’t fall asleep. Too many responsibilities and worries kept my mind awake and spinning. If you can get sleep, take it. If not, I sympathize, and it will get better!
Most of the things on this list are pretty basic, but the basics are what matters the most. Everything is harder when your mind is foggy and you are exhausted. You will get better, and it will be a memory. If your fog is extreme, or if there are other symptoms worrying you then take the time to go see your doctor. It is normal to feel a bit down. It is normal to get frustrated when the baby screams instead of sleeping. Take a deep breath. Lay the baby in a safe place for a bit so you can take a break. Even a few moments can help. If you feel that you might hurt yourself or the baby then talk to someone. This is a time in life when you shouldn’t go it alone, so don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
I’d love to hear your experiences with mom fog, and how you survived and thrived. Leave comments below!