Choose Peace

Our world is not peaceful or peace inducing. When I look at the news on my phone each morning (a habit I really should break) there is always something to upset me. Abuse. Murder. Corruption. Politics. People saying stupid things… the list can go on. I haven’t even left for work and I am already upset and tense. As the day goes on the list of things that upsets, irritates, and disturbs me grows. Students who push the limits test my patience, while administrators who micromanage send my stress levels soaring, and initiate anxiety and self-doubt. I arrive home from work (after being honked at and cut off by other drivers) to find that one of our pets has thrown up, or relieved themselves on the floor, or eaten half of a brand new book while simultaneously destroying my husband’s favorite pair of sandals. (True story. Thanks Knightro.) How can I choose peace it hasn’t chosen me?

Perhaps we have a misunderstanding of what peace means. There are two kinds of peace that we can experience: external peace and internal peace. Quiet rooms, uneventful commutes, absence of administrators, well-behaved and polite students, perfect pets, these can all be part of a peaceful setting or experience, external peace. We may find peace sitting next to a lake, or holding a new baby. We could also find peace in weeding a garden on a cool evening. This type of peace is enjoyable and relaxing, but it is also very fragile. It relies completely on the cooperation of others. Everything from bugs to inanimate objects have the power to crush external peace.  It is generally short lived, no matter how enjoyable.

The second kind of peace, internal peace, has the potential to be lasting and unbreakable. It is ours to maintain or break; no one else can touch it without our permission. Internal peace is not something we are born with. It rises out of struggle, blooms during pain, and can be strengthened or weakened by our thoughts and beliefs. Both kinds of peace are desirable, and both are achievable in different ways.

Here are three ways to build each type of peace.

External Peace

When You Can’t Fix It Let It Go

News people are masters at manipulating our emotions. In one news segment we can experience disgust, disbelief, anger, and fear, yet many of the things we internalize from the news are problems and dangers that are beyond our control and are unlikely to impact us significantly. If it is beyond your control let it go. Be conscious of your impact on nature but don’t obsess over global warming. Vote, but don’t get stressed out by political fighting. Be kind to those around you, but let the viciousness and hate online slide past you… None of these things are in your control, therefore they are not your problem. 

Distance Is Better Than Conflict

Work, social life, and family are all places and relationships that can steal our external peace. Some people are conflict magnets. If there is no conflict they will create one. Distance yourself from those individuals. Discourage gossip, negative talk, and controversial topics during conversations. Change the topic. Leave the conversation. Your peace of mind is worth more than the need to be polite. If you cannot avoid the conversation then just listen. Eventually they will get tired and find someone who is willing to engage.

Leave Tomorrow Till Tomorrow

Planning is important, but I often continue to obsess over decisions or upcoming events far beyond what is useful or needful. Make necessary preparations,  do everything you can, then move on to the next task. Worry only leads to self-doubt and anxiety. When your mind cycles back just remind it you have done your best and that is enough.

Internal Peace

Peace With Others

Life is full of bumps and bruises. People hurt us, and we hurt other people. Sometimes it is intentional, other times people make mistakes, even not knowing they caused pain. Forgiveness is the only way to protect our internal peace. Forgive before they ask. Forgive when they don’t deserve it. Forgive fully, liberally, and often. Forgiveness has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with your freedom and peace. Do yourself a favor and forgive.

Peace With Yourself

Just like others make mistakes and need forgiving, we also make mistakes, and we need to forgive ourselves. Learn from your mistakes, but do not bring them out and parade them across your mind in a session of self punishment. Forgive yourself. Let yourself move on. The past can only predict the future if we use it to predict our potential. Your future is limitless. Leave it that way.

Peace With Where you Are

Dream big but live now. Be present in your daily life because your cannot live in the future and you should not live in the past. Peace is now. Notice the beauty around you. Experience joy, sorrow, pain, and ecstasy as they happen, without comparing them to others or to a mental ideal or expectation. Avoid analyzing the moment. Just live.

Choosing peace is about you, and you are the only one in your life who has the power to do so. It is one of the most important things you can do, so start today!

How do you create peace in your life? Leave a comment below!