Be Kind To Yourself
Putting others first is part of the parenting contract, right?!? This is particularly true if you are a mom. Days and nights are spent in a whirlwind of caring for kids, pets, the house, our spouse…it’s not so much that we are expected to forget ourselves, it’s more like the day goes by so fast that we just forget. Before baby was born I thought the idea that I would forget to shower or even eat and drink was crazy, yet it has happened multiple times in these first few months of my daughter’s life. In reality I just plain forget stuff. I forget to clip the dog’s nails…my nails…my baby’s nails. But the diapers get changed, the blowout-soiled baby clothes get washed…while my clean clothes continue to sit in my hamper. Can’t do everything, right?
I tell myself this, yet there is an uneasy feeling in the back of my mind that I SHOULD be able to do everything. I should be able to keep a spotless house, a happy, squeaky clean baby, groomed, trained pets, homemade highly nutritious meals on the table, and simultaneously lose the baby weight and be an attentive, attractive wife, and an interesting, adventuresome human being. Yeah. No. Something’s gotta give. I, we, you and me cannot do it all, at least not at once, and that is ok!
We can do it all, by turns. Some days the house is great and the pets get bathed. Other days we get bathed and we are attractive wives. Some days we exercise, and other days the baby is squeaky clean.
Now I know there are things that HAVE to happen every day. Baby must be fed, changed, and otherwise cared for. The pets must be fed and provided exercise. I have to eat (sorta). But we need to let the rest happen by turns. The key is balance.
The challenge is finding that balance, and giving ourselves permission to let go of the overachieving, impossible picture of what successful moms look like every day. These are some of the steps I am taking to find balance.
1. Make a List But Keep It Flexible
Every week I aim to wash the sheets and towels, wash my clothes, and sweep the floor at least once. Once a week my husband and I make a meal plan and a grocery list. Every few days I tidy up, putting things away, and washing dishes and bottles as needed. Three times a week I get out for exercise, working on a couch to 5k running program. Every day I get dressed (yes it’s on my list, at least my mental one!), brush my teeth, and try to eat and drink enough to stay healthy. And I care for baby. Every day, every hour, you get the idea.
What I don’t do is I don’t assign specific days to most of these tasks. I exercise on specific days, but the cleaning and tidying happen when I have energy and initiative. And amazingly, most of it gets done every week.
2. Take Down Time
Read a book, watch tv, stare at the wall, take a nap, whatever you prefer, make sure you spend some time unproductively every day. This is when your mind rests and you gain the mental and physical energy and willpower to do the next task that confronts you.
3. Plan For Adventure
Life can become a dismal slog from one day to the next, so it is important to plan exciting adventures to look forward to. They can be as big as a major trip, or as small as a night out to see a movie with your spouse. Adventures big and small break up the monotony of life. We plan outings to see concerts, visits to family, and short day trips to points of interest. One night we took an impromptu trip to Disney Springs, (we are close enough to do that, not everyone is so lucky) and it was just what we needed to get out of the rut we were digging.
4. Share The Load
Your spouse is your partner. While we know this in our minds, it is too easy to begin viewing them as just another person to care for, another task on our list. When we do this we lose the physical and emotional care and help they can offer.
Friends can also help us with the load, particularly the emotional and mental load. They can gift us the feeling that we are not alone, and we are ok.
5. Look To The Future
We are told over and over to enjoy every minute, because they will be gone so fast. Sometimes we need to look beyond today, and see that the time of diapers will end. They will learn to wipe their own bottom, put on their own clothes, and sleep through the night in their own room. This knowledge is bittersweet, but it is also sanity saving! In the years to come our babies will grow up, and they won’t remember most of the individual things you did each day, but they will remember feeling safe, feeling loved, and that you were there. That is what really matters, so be kind to yourself. You are doing so much better that you think!
Leave a comment and tell me how you are kind to yourself as you live this life.