Surviving When Life is Hard

Life is rarely perfect. Even when things are going well there are still challenges that test our patience and resolve. Sometimes the challenges are mere irritations, other times they are scary, painful, out-of-our-control events that change our lives forever. I have experienced both extremes, ranging from a stubbed toe, to dealing with a chronic illness, to living through the tragic death of my younger brother. Life can be hard. Really, really hard.

My current major challenge is managing my fibromyalgia, a chronic illness that is painful and exhausting. I have dealt with fibromyalgia since I was a teen, but it seems that the third trimester of pregnancy is magnifying my illness. I drag myself through work each day, collapsing on the couch when I get home. Weekends are spent recouping enough energy and emotional control to go back to work on Monday. This is a time of great excitement and joy…I mean, our first baby is close to arriving! Yet in many ways I just want it to be over so my body can recover. It feels like fibromyalgia is stealing this important life experience from me. 

Living with grace under pressure is hard, but over time I have learned several coping strategies that help me keep moving forward. Sometimes I use these strategies deliberately, other times I turn to them from habit, stumbling through the day in a haze.

1. Set Goals, But Be Flexible

Goals help me identify what needs to be done. I can prioritize from most to least important, helping me maximize what I get done with limited energy. When I am feeling great I can accomplish a lot, but when I am not feeling well I can simply do the essentials. It is very important to be flexible with this list. Do not use it to beat yourself up about what you SHOULD be doing. It is only a tool, not a measure of your worth as a person!

2. Let Things Go

Sometimes I do not have the energy to do anything, including basic chores that I would label essential. It is so easy to get down on myself, adding anxiety and stress to the burden of pain and exhaustion I am already facing. Resting does not equal being lazy. I am healing, gathering my energy to try again later. Letting things go, not putting the real or imagined expectations of others on myself allows me to recover from a flare (spike in symptoms) quicker. Just let the dishes go for today. Believe me, they will still be there tomorrow!

3. Shortcuts Do Not Equal Cheating!

My ideal self is very conscious of what I eat and tries to be environmentally friendly. Sometimes the ideal me and the pain-wracked, exhausted me have to part ways. One of the ways I save time and energy is buying paper plates and bowls. It is a small thing, but only needing to clean flatware and cooking dishes increases the likelihood that the dishes will get done before they turn into a depressing mountain next to the sink. By the time I have cooked dinner and finished eating I have very little energy left, so less dishes mean they might get done.

Another way I build in shortcuts is keeping pre-made and easy to make foods in the kitchen and freezer. I love cooking healthy, fresh food, but some days it is a choice between keeping something easy in the freezer or ordering takeout. This is especially true on days when I get home in pain, sit on the couch, and don’t move until bedtime. Being prepared saves money and can result in a marginally healthier meal rather than ordering from the fast food place down the street.

4. Declutter

Strange as it may sound, decluttering is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself if you have a chronic illness such as fibromyalgia. Clutter is made up of individual items that need to be cleaned and organized. By reducing the items in your immediate surroundings you will instantly reduce the effort needed to do household chores. Decluttering also reduces stress associated with undone housework. When I am experiencing a flare of symptoms I feel guilty about all the things that I am not getting done, which in turn makes my physical symptoms worse. Clearing unneeded items from my house has significantly helped reduce both the amount of work and the emotional distress from messes I can’t clean yet.

I hope these suggestions can help you as they have helped me. Life can be hard, but by developing coping strategies we can all make our lives a bit easier.

What are ways you cope when life gets hard? Leave a comment with your favorite strategies!